On a different topic, I applied this for the first time 10 minutes ago. I will use this for 6 months and hope for improvement because if I see none, surgery will be required. It’s very thick and an extremely tiny amount goes a long way. It’s clear and unscented.

If you’re a new follower, I am using this now because the silicon strips Andy gave me fall off due to my lifestyle.

This gel cost 52 dollars for 15 grams. Worth it if it helps.

It’s the 12th of September at night. Update. This is my chest at 1 year 1 month post op.

I’m late posting again. I think it’s time to start taking these photos under natural day light because this light makes my skin colour look gross, and I can’t use the better quality camera at this hour. It just blurs.

I struggle with being trans so I delay posting here because I don’t want to think about it any more than I need to. The scars are a huge reminder of my past and what I am and it does bother me. I’ve also been struggling with dysphoria and body issues. Winter is over now and I gained weight over the cold months. I wouldn’t say I have an ED but I certainly am terrible at limiting myself and have been yoyo eating and exercising for weeks now which makes me feel bad.

I’m having life issues too, like I quit my job the other day suddenly. I wasn’t happy there. The day before that was 1 year since my mother died. I have a lot to think about and sometimes it’s hard.

So that’s why I don’t update this as much as I would like.

1 year and 1 month post op with Andy

That was on the 26th of August, some days ago. I’m late, but not too late. I will add photos to this post soon of my chest. My chest has not changed since last month and I haven’t got anything else I want to talk about right now. I still need to get silicon gel! I keep forgetting. 

Hi there, I wanted to thank you for this blog, it's helping me learn a lot with helping care for my boyfriend who just had his surgery with Andy (on the 15/08/14). I don't have a very strong stomach so looking at your posts and photos are helping me with caring for my boyfriend as I'm the only one who can do it. We have his first post op appointment with Andy on Wednesday to get his drains out and learn how to dress his wounds. So thank you for sharing your journey!

That’s why I’m here ^^ it’s good to prepare yourself for what is to come when it can be gory and gross. Good luck to your boyfriend with his healing! Thank you for the nice message. :)

Hi hi! My boyfriend jut had his surgery with Andy, and I was wondering were you got the silicone strips from, and how long you waited until you put them on?

Hiya! I got the silicone strips from Andy. Get your boyfriend to ask him for some and I’m sure Andy will give him some and let him know when the best time to start using them is. I can’t remember exactly when I first applied them, I think it was a couple of months after surgery? 

1 year post op appointment with Andy

it’s the 5th of August 2014. Had another one that finished 20 minutes ago. Now I’m in a car park down the road eating lunch.

To summarise, the white small lumps on my nipples are like little cysts. They usually go away by themselves when they appear on grafts. I could get them cut out but it’s not guaranteed they will all go away, and I don’t want to go through that and have more scars. Scars on my nipples would just look weird.

The lumpy red scars were quickly noticed by Andy. He told me to buy silicon gel from the chemist and use it two times a day, and if in six months there’s no improvement, I can get knocked out and receive steroid injections.

I told him that since seeing him I had been professionally diagnosed with a few physical deformities. I described them to him and he told me that’s scoliosis, which is interesting because the doctor I saw just told me my rib cage is twisted and my chest is uneven. I didn’t know that was the word for it.


Now it’s almost 8 PM, I am home, and I forgot to say Andy knows that my chest is uneven and that is isn’t because of his work. I told him about what I was diagnosed with months ago and he agrees. I have been working out more lately so in a years time or so I will see how I feel about my chest. My left side is more bulky than my right because of the twisted bone structure so I might get him to remove some tissue if that issue isn’t resolved through exercise, because in singlets, I do not like the look of it. He said there’s a risk of removing too much tissue and it looking very weird. 

light play//flaws//acceptance 

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1 year post op with Andrew Ives!

It’s here, and I remembered to update my blog. I’m not late! That’s a change.

I don’t have much to say about my chest.

My next appointment with Andy is scheduled for the 5th of August, so I will have more to say when he gives me his own feedback. I will also speak to the receptionist again about getting photos they took of my chest.

I noticed that when I stretch my arms now, my chest no longer hurts and I don’t feel a pulling sensation. For some time after surgery, when I stretched my arms too far, I’d experience pain and the skin felt tight. Now I can do anything, like reach high to place items on a tall shelf, which I do regularly at work, or lay on my stomach on my bed, stretch out my arms over my head and under my pillow. I don’t sleep like that, it’s just comfortable to do as I’m waking up and trying to get out of bed.

The lumpy parts of my scars might be slightly more lumpy. I have not gave much thought to it. I want to focus on better things that don’t bring my mood down.

The colour of my scars is probably fading still.

I got lazy with silicon strips and tape again. Even though it’s only 10 minutes worth of work every few days, it still feels like too much to me, and at work, they still came off sometimes because of how much stretching I have to do.

I will talk to Andy about alternative scar treatments. 

Here are some photos I took and sent to a friend the other day.

Was standing on an angle.

As I think I promised, here are some (embarrassing) high quality photos. I am a few days past 11 months post op. Not as good as I wanted because my main camera is being borrow by a friend. Might post a video in a few days.

I prefer the front camera on my iPhone. It helps hide my imperfections.

Some notes
- I can grow chest hair and I do shave.
- my skin colour is weird but in there photos it looks even stranger because of the lighting.
- you can really see the unevenness of my chest in these photos. Usually I try to hide it by adjusting my posture and taking bad quality photos. Bad genetics :(
- my right side is smaller than my left because of my twisted rib cage, but I also wonder if Andy took some more tissue out my right side. You might be able to see that it appears slightly flatter on some angles.
- I don’t like the structure of my chest as it is naturally. Please don’t be harsh.

"Top surgery cost guide Australia"

This is not my video! It’s very informative so I’m posting it here anyway. This person goes into detail about the steps they took to transition in Aus and get top surgery with Andy Ives.

Like me, they decided to go private instead of public through a gender clinic. Unlike me, they got private health insure so some of their top surgery got covered. This meant filling out a lot of paperwork, paying money, and waiting 12 months before they could get top surgery. I did not do this because I had the money to pay for it all and couldn’t wait. They had to see a bad gender therapist for a referral and even without naming names, I know I saw the same person as him. He’s a well known therapist in Melbourne and almost everyone who goes to him has horrible experiences. If you are trying to find a good therapist

19th of June 2014 update, almost at 11 months post op. Things I forgot to say in the post I made yesterday

I updated the directory page of my blog and tagged some posts. I’ve been slackin’, and need to stop doing that because I keep forgetting to write things down here. Here’s my promise to you guys that I will be more dedicated to this from now on!

About 20 days ago I was touching my chest. Yes, I have been facing my sensory issues and have come leaps and bounds. After I lost mum, I had to pick up extra work to support the family financially and worked a job that was triggering to my SPD. In the past, I would have never worked that job. I couldn’t stand the things I encountered but dealing with it head on was the best thing for me. My SPD is so much more manageable now, but there are some things I will never have the ability to tolerate.

I can now touch my own chest without freaking out, nipples included. I don’t think I would be overly thrilled having other people touch my chest though, especially my nipples. The thought of it is so weird!

When I touched my chest, I suddenly realised the nerves got their act together and my chest isn’t anywhere near as numb as it was shortly after surgery.

In a very old update I said that there was a very sore and numb spot under the incision on my left side. A good fistful size of skin. It was sore like a bad bruise for about 3 months post op if I remember correctly and then it began fading quickly. I suppose over time from about 3+ months post op, I have regained feeling.

I can’t pinpoint when it changed. I think that’s because it must be a gradual thing, but I know now there’s a lot more feeling than before. There’s only a tiny bit where I feel very numb still when I touch it, but in most spots I used to feel completely numb, a lot, to most, or all of my feeling is back.

By now I hope this point is laid out clear on my blog but it deserves it’s own post anyway. Andrew is incredible at what he does. I am so glad I chose to go to him. I wouldn’t pick anyone else in the world over him if I had to do it again. If you live in the range, I couldn’t speak more highly of his results. They are so consistent and brilliant.

I’m going to try these silicon strips out again. This time I will only place the tape over the lumpy scar section because you will know what kept happening when I taped my entire chest if you read my blog. My job is very physical so I don’t have complete faith that this will work, but I know I don’t want these scars to get even more lumpy.

Forgot to say in the post before this that my scars on the right side hurt today. It was tolerable but there was no cause. I guess it could be like how old injuries hurt sometimes for no reason.

(The third photo shows me relaxing and slightly hunches forward. That’s what happens to the tape when I do that.)

Hello my patient followers. I did not update last month because of laziness and I had nothing to say. Today is the 18th of June, meaning I am almost 11 months post op. I can’t believe it’s been that long already. I have been intending to update this blog for a week now.

So, changes and such:
- the lumpy scars have gotten worse. I have not compared photos but I just know it. It’s because at my job I have to stretch very far and there’s nothing I can do about that. My chest warned me every time because it hurt, but I had to stretch as apart of my job. Andy said my scars would not get worse from physical activity but I had a feeling they still would.
- that pimple thing on my right nip I mentioned months ago is still an issue. It started throbbing the other day so I got into it and relieved it by draining it. Charming. I might book in earlier with Andy so he can help me with it. My dad thinks it might be a gland that’s not working well.
- I can’t wait to talk to Andy about scar treatment options because my confidence about my chest scars, now that they are worse in places, is not joyous at the best of times
- I’m looking into tattooing as a way to cover my chest and divert people’s attention away from imperfections

I will use a better camera next update and maybe do a video. I feel like I owe it to you for being so patient.

Things I will do when I have healed from top surgery


  1. Get up early in the morning on a sunny day, walk to the basketball courts, and play shirtless without anyone else there
  2. Skate a lot more with my headphones in wearing a singlet, and grab some food on a skate
  3. Go to the gym with my another friend who had surgery with Andy, and work on my pecs
  4. Ride my bike more. Use it as a main form of transport to go to the store
  5. Hug more people without worrying about what they can feel
  6. Work on cutting hip and stomach fat down over the next 6 months
  7. Go running in the private field I live near, and if I get too hot, take off my shirt
  8. Go to the beach

17 hours.

Reblogging this for myself because I still want to do some of these things. I wrote this 17 hours before surgery and now I’m just over 10 months post op. Unbelievable. :)